• Hi.  Now you say something. 
  • Hello. I am David 's answering machine. What are  you? 
  • Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
  • Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer  the phone right now.  Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back. 
  • If you are a burglar, then we're probably at  home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come  to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and  it's safe to leave a message.
  • My wife and I can 't come to the phone right  now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll  get back to you as soon as we're finished. 
  • A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those  reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message. 
  • Hi. This is John:  If you are the phone company,  I already sent the money.  If you are my  parents,  please send money.  If you are my financial aid  institution, you didn't lend me enough money.  If  you are my friends, you owe me money.  If you are  a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. 
  • Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering  machine is, so you can talk to it instead.  Wait for  the beep. 
  • Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you  soon. If you leave a "sexy " message, I'll call  sooner! 
  • Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am  capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need  siding, windows or a hot tub, a nd their carpets are  clean.  They give to charity through their office  and do not need their picture taken. If you're still  with me, leave your name and number and they will  get back to you. 
  • This is not an answering machine-this is a  telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone,  think about your name, your number and your reason  for calling, and I'll think about returning your  call. 
  • Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding  someone I don't like.  Leave me a message, and if I  don't call back, it's you. 
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